This historic book may have numerous typos and missing text. Purchasers can download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. Not indexed. Not illustrated. 1897 Excerpt: ...pretences, Because they're up to verbs and tenses, And 'cause bairns cower, and ca' them Master, And 'cause they use the lance and clyster; Alike in every science happy, To pluck a tooth or set a capy; Think they can judge o' verse or prose, And pert pop in their word and nose; Will tell you a' what's right, what's wrang; How this line's short, and that line's lang; Yet ken nae mair o' fancy's power Than Peacocks, kickin' up a stour. And Lawyers, too, that brazen tribe, That tak nae pains their fau'ts to hide, Like Pharaoh's lean kye, hard they bite, And live upon their nei'bour's spite.—To paint their pranks I'm nae proficien' We'll try some easier acquisition. Part III. AGAIN my bird, we'll try to find The matchless beauties o' your mind. Frae ither fowls ye stan' abeigh, And, like a' fools, wad fain be high: Proud, on a wa', or half-grown tree, Or chimly tap, ye like to be; There cock your crest, wi' airy show, And squint on scrapin' birds below. But should the sky begin to lower, And wake your second-sighted power, Ye then disclose your cowardly failin's, And grate a' roun' you wi' your yellin's. Nae croakin' raven, wi' his note, Can equal what comes through your throat; Nor clamorous cats, wham midnight summons, Can equal half your yells and omens. Ye fright the heron where he flies, And weary Echo wi' your cries. So hae I seen great fuss and caperin' 'Mang mystic knighthood o' the apron; Wi' empty pride, in monkish gown, Travish a Bible through the town: Wi' painted poles and pictured duds, And aprons new come frae the suds, Or stunted frae the wife's sark tail—Aiblins the pock that hauds his meal; For H—r—m's sons hae mony wants, For a' their outward shows and rants, Though patronised by weeds and saints. The lengthened legends, tales, and histo...