Learn how to turn the supposedly unreachable people in your lives into allies, devoted customers, loyal colleagues, and lifetime friends.
Foreword by Keith Ferrazzi, author of Never Eat Alone and Who's Got Your Back The first make-or-break step in persuading anyone to do any thing is getting them to hear you out. Whether the person is a harried colleague, a stressed-out client, or an insecure spouse, things will go from bad to worse if you can't break through emotional barricades. Drawing on his experience as a psychiatrist, business consultant, and coach, and backed by the latest scientific research, author Mark Goulston shares simple but powerful techniques readers can use to really get through to people-whether they're coworkers, friends, strangers, or enemies. Just Listen reveals how to: Make a powerful and positive first impression Listen effectively Make even a total stranger-a potential client, perhaps-feel "felt" Talk an angry or aggressive person away from an instinctual, unproductive reaction and toward a more rational mindset Achieve buy-in, the linchpin of all persuasion, negotiation, sales, and more Getting through is a fine art but a critical one. With the help of this groundbreaking book readers will be able to turn the "impossible" and "unreachable" people in their lives into allies, devoted customers, loyal colleagues, and lifetime friends.
MARK GOULSTON is a business advisor, consultant, coach, speaker, and psychiatrist. The author of Get Out of Your Own Way and other popular books, he blogs for Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Business Insider, The Huffington Post, and Psychology Today; co-hosts a weekly radio show; and is featured frequently in major media, including The Wall Street Journal, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, CNN, Fox News, and the TODAY show.
Foreword by Keith Ferrazzi xiii
Preface to the Paperback Edition xv
SECTION I The Secret to Reaching Anyone 1
1 Who's Holding YOU Hostage? 3
2 A Little Science: How the Brain Goes from "No" to "Yes" 14
SECTION II The 9 Core Rules for Getting Through to Anyone 25
3 Move Yourself from "Oh F#@& to OK" 27
4 Rewire Yourself to Listen 36
5 Make the Other Person Feel "Felt" 45
6 Be More Interested Than Interesting 55
7 Make People Feel Valuable 64
8 Help People to Exhale Emotionally and Mentally 69
9 Check Your Dissonance at the Door 77
10 When All Seems Lost-Bare Your Neck 87
11 Steer Clear of Toxic People 94
SECTION III 12 Easy-to-Use Tools for Achieving Buy-in and Getting Through 109
12 The Impossibility Question 111
13 The Magic Paradox 116
14 The Empathy Jolt 123
15 The Reverse Play, Empathy Jolt #2 132
16 "Do You Believe That?" 138
17 The Power of "Hmmm. . . ." 142
18 The Stipulation Gambit 150
19 From Transaction to Transformation 155
20 Side by Side 163
21 Fill in the Blanks 170
22 Take It All the Way to "No" 176
23 The Power Thank You and Power Apology 180
SECTION IV Fast Fixes for 7 Challenging Situations 187
24 The Team from Hell 189
25 Climbing the Ladder 194
26 The Narcissist at the Table 197
27 Stranger in Town 200
28 The Human Explosion 204
29 Getting Through to Yourself 209
30 Six Degrees of Separation 215
About the Author 231
"Backed by the latest scientific research, simple but powerful techniques that can turn frustration and anger into engagement are explained." -HR magazine (Hong Kong) "Readers learn how to listen effectively, shift an angry or aggressive person into a calmer, more receptive state, and use empathy jolts to bridge a communication gap." --Idealist Careers ..".filled with great questions that will absolutely 'Increase Your Leadership Effectiveness X10!' This is a must buy book for every leader and every coach! --Bob Tiede, Leading with Questions blog ..".ranks as one of my all-time favorite books and is, in my humble opinion, the BEST book written on this very important topic." --Linkedin "Once in a while a book comes along that makes us slow down, become introspective and thus, learn and transform...Such a book is Just Listen." --Parking Today ..".provides numerous insights and tips for impactful listening written in an engaging and thoroughly enjoyable manner." --Daily Times ..".useful insights into opening anyone up--a recalcitrant vendor, a desirable prospect, a client dragging ass....Goulston's words gave me sizable goosebumps." --Forbes.com "[Mark Goulston] understands communication, and he understands people...Who would benefit from reading Just Listen? I can't think of anyone who wouldn't." --The Chronicle Herald "Hell, Sartre pointed out, is other people, but it turns out that there are ways to make them less devilish...trick is to learn to really listen in the way described by this book." --Accounting Today "We all have difficult and unpleasant conversations throughout our lives...Mark gives us the key to not only making these conversations smoother, but help you communicate on a deeper level." --Optimized Geek ..".offers nine core rules for reaching anyone, from Beelzebub down to the lowliest staffer, as well as a host of easy-to-use tools, concrete action steps, and illuminating examples." --Accounting Today "Goulston helps the reader to learn how to get through to anyone." --Business Now Magazine "Who would benefit from reading Just Listen? I can't think of anyone who wouldn't --customer service staff, managers, salespeople, parents, you name it..." --The Chronicle Herald "We're all held captive when someone refuses to communicate. [Goulston's] 12 easy tools to achieve buy-in and seven fast fixes for challenging situations are particularly helpful for everyday use." --Working Strategies "Just Listen is an excellent guide for learning how to break down barriers." --Pittsburgh Post-Gazette "Just Listen is not only helpful for any kind of business, it teaches a skill that will aid you outside of the office too." --Niche Magazine "A primer on dealing with hard-to-reach people in virtually every scenario -- defiant executives, angry employees, families in turmoil, warring couples -- through use of well-honed psychological techniques. Illustrative snippets from counseling session reveal martial-arts like techniques: potent on their own, but even more powerful when you combine them. Chapter summaries feature action steps preparing readers to encounter similar scenarios, yielding a guide that is as entertaining as it is useful." --CareerBuilder.com "Just Listen is a banquet of approaches and ideas that's easy to devour the first time around, and a flavorful feast whenever you use portions as a reference book. It's certainly one of the best how-to books of the year." --Inland Empire Business Journal "useful and applicable techniques and strategies for everything from getting teams to work together, to handling narcissistic clients (or is that a redundancy?), and getting your message across to even the most impenetrable people" --Accounting Today "It's a measure of how contentious work relationships can get that the author, a psychiatrist, draws on hostage-negotiation techniques to instruct readers on how to deal with 'defiant executives, angry employees or self-destructing management teams'.... Mission accomplished." --Time Magazine "The most useful (five-star) book on communicating... Everyone can be a better communicator with the right knowledge, and this book makes learning interesting and easy." --Lindsey Novak, nationally syndicated "At Work" columnist "an impressive bag of tricks... a guide that is as entertaining as it is useful" --Publishers Weekly [starred review] "Drawing on his experience as a psychiatrist, business consultant, and FBI hostage-negotiation trainer, Goulston provides brilliant yet doable techniques for getting through to others... This book transcends the self-help category by promoting real communication." --Library Journal
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