Single State of the Union

I was happy being single, but not happy alone. I needed someone to love and I was ready. But not ready enough for another dog. To his credit, Jim later said. “I knew my days were numbered when you got the rat.” – Rachel Toor
In a world where everyone was in a rush to get the picket fence and 2.673 kids, I stood out a like an unmown, dandelion-riddled lawn with a rusted-out muscle car on cinderblocks smack dab in the middle. Because I’ve never gotten engaged or hitched within three weeks of meeting someone, friends called me immature, commitment-phobic, a late bloomer, a player, a childhood-divorce casualty, or sometimes “a total freaking guy.” – Michelle Goodman
It’s not the concept of marriage I have a problem with. I’d like to get married, too. A couple times. It’s the actual wedding that pisses me off.” – Chelsea Handler
The empty side of the bed does not fart in its sleep. – Laurie Notaro

Diane Mapes is the author of How to Date in a Post-Dating World (Sasquatch, 2006), a funny journalistic take on the traditional dating manual. Her satire and reported essays on dating, singles’ rights, television, travel, freak magnets, naked sushi, swingers, and more have appeared in Bust, Christian Science Monitor, Health, Los Angeles Times, MSNBC.com, Seattle Magazine, Seattle Times, and the Washington Post. Happily single, she lives in Seattle.

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