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Positive Discipline

by Jane Nelsen

  • Paperback
    $23.80
PUBLISHED: 30th May 2006
ISBN: 9780345487674
ANNOTATION:
All parents try to do their best - but the best of intentions don't always produce the best results. Dr. Jane Nelsen, an experienced psychologist, educator, and mother, believes that children misbehave when they feel thwarted in their need to belong and in their need for love and attention. An authoritative approach, using phrases like "Because I said so!", will only lead to rebellious behavior. Instead, parents need basic principles that bring them and their children closer. They need Positive Discipline. Dr. Nelsen explains that parents who use kindness and firmness to teach life skills will encourage self-respect, self-discipline, cooperation, good behavior, and problem-solving skills in their children. In Positive Discipline, revised and updated for the '90s, she shows all of us, parents and teachers alike, exactly how her practical program works - answering, step-by-step, such important questions as: What works better than punishment to teach children positive, good behavior? What mistakes do most parents make "in the name of love"? How can parents turn their mistakes into assets? How can praise be dangerous? What are the dangers of trying to be "Super Mom"? How can teachers avoid discipline problems in the classroom?
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  • Paperback
    $23.80
PUBLISHED: 30th May 2006
ISBN: 9780345487674
ANNOTATION:
All parents try to do their best - but the best of intentions don't always produce the best results. Dr. Jane Nelsen, an experienced psychologist, educator, and mother, believes that children misbehave when they feel thwarted in their need to belong and in their need for love and attention. An authoritative approach, using phrases like "Because I said so!", will only lead to rebellious behavior. Instead, parents need basic principles that bring them and their children closer. They need Positive Discipline. Dr. Nelsen explains that parents who use kindness and firmness to teach life skills will encourage self-respect, self-discipline, cooperation, good behavior, and problem-solving skills in their children. In Positive Discipline, revised and updated for the '90s, she shows all of us, parents and teachers alike, exactly how her practical program works - answering, step-by-step, such important questions as: What works better than punishment to teach children positive, good behavior? What mistakes do most parents make "in the name of love"? How can parents turn their mistakes into assets? How can praise be dangerous? What are the dangers of trying to be "Super Mom"? How can teachers avoid discipline problems in the classroom?

Annotation

All parents try to do their best - but the best of intentions don't always produce the best results. Dr. Jane Nelsen, an experienced psychologist, educator, and mother, believes that children misbehave when they feel thwarted in their need to belong and in their need for love and attention. An authoritative approach, using phrases like "Because I said so!", will only lead to rebellious behavior. Instead, parents need basic principles that bring them and their children closer. They need Positive Discipline. Dr. Nelsen explains that parents who use kindness and firmness to teach life skills will encourage self-respect, self-discipline, cooperation, good behavior, and problem-solving skills in their children. In Positive Discipline, revised and updated for the '90s, she shows all of us, parents and teachers alike, exactly how her practical program works - answering, step-by-step, such important questions as: What works better than punishment to teach children positive, good behavior? What mistakes do most parents make "in the name of love"? How can parents turn their mistakes into assets? How can praise be dangerous? What are the dangers of trying to be "Super Mom"? How can teachers avoid discipline problems in the classroom?

Publisher Description

For twenty-five years, Positive Discipline has been the gold standard reference for grown-ups working with children. Now Jane Nelsen, distinguished psychologist, educator, and mother of seven, has written a revised and expanded edition. The key to positive discipline is not punishment, she tells us, but mutual respect. Nelsen coaches parents and teachers to be both firm and kind, so that any child-from a three-year-old toddler to a rebellious teenager-can learn creative cooperation and self-discipline with no loss of dignity. Inside you'll discover how to

  • bridge communication gaps
  • defuse power struggles
  • avoid the dangers of praise
  • enforce your message of love
  • build on strengths, not weaknesses
  • hold children accountable with their self-respect intact
  • teach children not what to think but how to think
  • win cooperation at home and at school
  • meet the special challenge of teen misbehavior
"It is not easy to improve a classic book, but Jane Nelson has done so in this revised edition. Packed with updated examples that are clear and specific, Positive Discipline shows parents exactly how to focus on solutions while being kind and firm. If you want to enrich your relationship with your children, this is the book for you." -Sal Severe, author of How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too Millions of children have already benefited from the counsel in this wise and warmhearted book, which features dozens of true stories of positive discipline in action. Give your child the tools he or she needs for a well-adjusted life with this proven treasure trove of practical advice.

Back Cover

All parents try to do their best - but the best of intentions don't always produce the best results. Dr. Jane Nelsen, an experienced psychologist, educator, and mother, believes that children misbehave when they feel thwarted in their need to belong and in their need for love and attention. An authoritative approach, using phrases like "Because I said so!", will only lead to rebellious behavior. Instead, parents need basic principles that bring them and their children closer. They need Positive Discipline. Dr. Nelsen explains that parents who use kindness and firmness to teach life skills will encourage self-respect, self-discipline, cooperation, good behavior, and problem-solving skills in their children. In Positive Discipline, revised and updated for the '90s, she shows all of us, parents and teachers alike, exactly how her practical program works - answering, step-by-step, such important questions as: What works better than punishment to teach children positive, good behavior? What mistakes do most parents make "in the name of love"? How can parents turn their mistakes into assets? How can praise be dangerous? What are the dangers of trying to be "Super Mom"? How can teachers avoid discipline problems in the classroom?

Flap

Make a Difference During the Most Important Years of Your Child's Life The months leading up to the birth of a child are filed with joy, dreams, plans--and a few worries. As a caring parent, you want to start your child out in life on the proper foundation. But where do you go for the answers to such questions as: How do I communicate with an infant who doesn't understand words? How can I effectively teach boundaries to my toddler? Should I ever spank my child? Over the years, millions of parents just like you have come to trust Jane Nelsen's classic "Positive Discipline series. These books offer a commonsense approach to child-rearing that so often is lacking in today's world. In "Positive Discipline: The First Three Years, you'll learn how to use kind but firm support to raise a child who is both capable and confident. You'll find practical solutions and solid advice on how to: -Encourage independence and exploration while providing appropriate boundaries -Use non-punitive methods to instill valuable social skills and positive behavior inside and outside the home -Recognize when your child is ready to master the challenges of sleeping, eating, and potty training, and how to avoid the power struggles that often come with those lessons -Identify your child's temperament -Understand what the latest research in brain development tells us about raising healthy children -And much, much more! Containing real-life examples of challenges other parents and caregivers have faced, "Positive Discipline: The First Three Years is the one book that no parent should be without.

Author Biography

<b>Jane Nelsen, Ed.D., </b>coauthor of the bestselling <i>Positive Discipline</i> series, is a licensed marriage, family, and child therapist. Her books have sold over a million copies. She lives in Salt Lake City.

Review

Make a Difference During the Most Important Years of Your Child's Life

Long Description

For twenty-five years, Positive Discipline has been the gold standard reference for grown-ups working with children. Now Jane Nelsen, distinguished psychologist, educator, and mother of seven, has written a revised and expanded edition. The key to positive discipline is not punishment, she tells us, but mutual respect. Nelsen coaches parents and teachers to be both firm and kind, so that any child- from a three-year-old toddler to a rebellious teenager- can learn creative cooperation and self-discipline with no loss of dignity. Inside you' ll discover how to - bridge communication gaps - defuse power struggles - avoid the dangers of praise - enforce your message of love - build on strengths, not weaknesses - hold children accountable with their self-respect intact - teach children not what to think but how to think - win cooperation at home and at school - meet the special challenge of teen misbehavior " It is not easy to improve a classic book, but Jane Nelson has done so in this revised edition. Packed with updated examples that are clear and specific, Positive Discipline shows parents exactly how to focus on solutions while being kind and firm. If you want to enrich your relationship with your children, this is the book for you." - Sal Severe, author of How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too! Millions of children have already benefited from the counsel in this wise and warmhearted book, which features dozens of true stories of positive discipline in action. Give your child the tools he or she needs for a well-adjusted life with this proven treasuretrove of practical advice.

Review Quote

Make a Difference During the Most Important Years of Your Child's Life

Excerpt from Book

Chapter One THE POSITIVE APPROACH If you are a teacher, have you been teaching long enough to remember when children sat in neat rows and obediently did what they were told? If you are a parent, do you remember when children wouldn''t dare talk back to their parents? Maybe you don''t, but perhaps your grandparents do. Many parents and teachers today are feeling frustrated because children don''t behave the way they used to in the good old days. What happened? Why don''t today''s children develop the same kinds of responsibility and motivation that seemed more prevalent in children many years ago? There are many possible explanations, such as broken homes, too much television, video games, and working mothers. These factors are so common in our society today that the situation would seem rather hopeless if they really explained our current challenges with children. (And we all know of many single and working parents who are doing a great job raising their children because they use effective parenting skills.) Rudolf Dreikurs1 had another theory. There are many major changes that have taken place in society over the past few years that more directly explain the differences in children today. The outlook is very encouraging because, with awareness and desire, we can compensate for these changes and in doing so can also eliminate some of the problems that many think are caused by broken homes, too much television, and working mothers. The first major change is that adults no longer give children an example or model of submissiveness and obedience. Adults forget that they no longer act the way they used to in the good old days. Remember when Mom obediently did whatever Dad said, or at least gave the impression she did, because it was the culturally acceptable thing to do? In the good old days few people questioned the idea that Dad''s decisions were final. Because of the human rights movement, this is no longer true. Rudolf Dreikurs pointed out, "When Dad lost control of Mom, they both lost control of the children." All this means is that Mom quit giving the children a model of submissiveness. This is progress. Many things about the good old days were not so good. In those days there were many models of submission. Dad obeyed the boss (who was not interested in his opinions) so he wouldn''t lose his job. Minority groups accepted submissive roles at great loss to their personal dignity. Today all minority groups are actively claiming their rights to full equality and dignity. It is difficult to find anyone who is willing to accept an inferior, submissive role in life. Children are simply following the examples all around them. They also want to be treated with dignity and respect. It is important to note that equality does not mean the same. Four quarters and a dollar bill are very different, but equal. Children obviously do not deserve all the rights that come with greater experience, skills, and maturity. Adult leadership and guidance are important. However, children deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. They also deserve the opportunity to develop the life skills they need in an atmosphere of kindness and firmness instead of an atmosphere of blame, shame, and pain. Another major change is that in today''s society children have fewer opportunities to learn responsibility and motivation. We no longer need children as important contributors to economic survival. Instead children are given too much in the name of love without any effort or investment on their part and they develop an entitlement attitude. Too many mothers and fathers believe that good parents protect their children from all disappointment. They rescue or overprotect--thus robbing their children of the opportunity to develop a belief in their capability to handle the ups and downs of life. Skill training is often neglected because of busy life schedules or a lack of understanding of how important it is for children to contribute. We often rob children of opportunities to feel belonging and significance in meaningful ways through responsible contributions and then complain and criticize them for not developing responsibility. Children do not develop responsibility when parents and teachers are too strict and controlling, nor do they develop responsibility when parents and teachers are permissive. Children learn responsibility when they have opportunities to learn valuable social and life skills for good character in an atmosphere of kindness, firmness, dignity, and respect. It is important to emphasize that eliminating punishment does not mean that children should be allowed to do whatever they want. We need to provide opportunities for children to experience responsibility in direct relationship to the privileges they enjoy. Otherwise, they become dependent recipients who feel that the only way to achieve belonging and significance is by manipulating other people into their service. Some children develop the belief, "I''m not loved unless others take care of me." Others may develop the belief that they shouldn''t try because they can''t do very much that doesn''t invite shame and pain. It is saddest when they develop the belief, "I''m not good enough," because they don''t have opportunities to practice proficiencies that would help them feel capable. These children spend a great deal of energy in rebellion or avoidance behaviors. When all of their intelligence and energy is directed toward manipulation, rebellion, and avoidance, children do not develop the perceptions and skills needed to become capable people. In the book Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-lndulgent World,2 H. Stephen Glenn and I identify the Significant Seven Perceptions and Skills necessary for developing capable people. Significant Seven Perceptions and Skills 1.Strong perceptions of personal capabilities--"I am capable." 2.Strong perceptions of significance in primary relationships--"I contribute in meaningful ways and I am genuinely needed." 3.Strong perceptions of personal power or influence over life--"I can influence what happens to me." 4.Strong intrapersonal skills: the ability to understand personal emotions and to use that understanding to develop self-discipline and self-control. 5.Strong interpersonal skills: the ability to work with others and develop friendships through communicating, cooperating, negotiating, sharing, empathizing, and listening. 6.Strong systemic skills: the ability to respond to the limits and consequences of everyday life with responsibility, adaptability, flexibility, and integrity. 7.Strong judgmental skills: the ability to use wisdom and to evaluate situations according to appropriate values. Children developed these perceptions and skills naturally when they were allowed to work side by side with their parents, receiving on-the-job training while making meaningful contributions to the family lifestyle. The irony is that in the good old days children had opportunities to develop strong life skills, but had few opportunities to use them. Now the world is full of opportunities for which too many children are not prepared. Today children do not have many natural opportunities to feel needed and significant, but parents and teachers can thoughtfully provide these opportunities. A wonderful fringe benefit is that most behavior problems can be eliminated when parents and teachers learn more effective ways to help their children and students develop healthy perceptions and skills. Most misbehavior can be traced to a lack of development in these Significant Seven Perceptions and Skills. Understanding why children do not behave the way they used to is the first step for parents and teachers who are facing child-discipline challenges. We need to understand why controlling methods, which worked so well many years ago, are not effective with children today. We need to understand our obligation to provide opportunities, which were once provided by circumstances, for children to develop responsibility and motivation. And most important, we need to understand that cooperation based on mutual respect and shared responsibility is more effective than authoritarian control (see Table 1.1). The attitude of parents or teachers who choose between each of the three approaches is very different. Strictness--"These are the rules by which you must abide, and this is the punishment you will receive for violation of the rules." Children are not involved in the decision-making process. Permissiveness--"There are no rules. I am sure we will love each other and be happy, and you will be able to choose your own rules later." Positive Discipline--"Together we will decide on rules for our mutual benefit. We will also decide together on solutions that will be helpful to all concerned when we have problems. When I must use my judgment without your input, I will use firmness with kindness, dignity, and respect." As a fun way to illustrate the extreme differences between the three approaches, Dr. John Platt3 tells the story of three-year-old Johnny at breakfast time in each home. In a strict home, where Mom knows what is best, Johnny does not have a choice regarding breakfast. On a cold, rainy day, controlling mothers all over the world know that Johnny needs some kind of hot mush to get him through the day. Johnny, however, has different ideas. He looks at the mush and says, "Yuck! I don''t want this stuff!" One hundred years ago it was much easier to be a strict, controlling mother. She could just say, "Eat!" and Johnny would obey. It is more difficult today, so Mom goes through the following four steps in

Product Details

Author
Jane Nelsen
Short Title
POSITIVE DISCIPLINE REV/E
Pages
349
Publisher
Ballantine Books
Edition Description
Revised
Language
English
ISBN-10
0345487672
ISBN-13
9780345487674
Media
Book
Format
Paperback
Year
2006
Publication Date
2006-01-31
Country of Publication
United States
Qualifications
Ed.D., M.F.C.C.
Residence
Fair Oaks, CA, US
Subtitle
The Classic Guide to Helping Children Develop Self-Discipline, Responsibility, Cooperation, and Problem-Solving Skills
Audience
General/Trade