How Shame Runs the World

“If the question is “What’s shame got to do it?”—for us as individuals, in our relationships, and in our wider world—Dr. Pilla’s well researched and carefully argued answer is “everything.” Shame’s effects are not purely personal, nor are they only damaging. They also benefit us every day. Packed with examples from her long clinical experience, history, and culture, How Shame Runs the World offers sophisticated guidance to transform both our understanding and our experience.”
—Dana Becker, PhD, professor emerita of social work and social research, Bryn Mawr College and author of One Nation Under Stress: The Trouble with Stress as an Idea
“How Shame Runs the World is a captivating book. It reads like a comfortable, engaging, intriguing conversation between the author as psychotherapist and her readers. It’s proven to be a constant companion in my own professional psychotherapy practice. It’s truly a must-have in every clinician’s library.
—Elaine Cornelius, LCSW, MSS, clinical social worker in private practice, New York
“Shame has gone viral. In this compelling and thoughtful work, Dr. Judith Pilla positions shame front and center as a force we often do not recognize—our “familiar stranger.” She takes us brilliantly through a centuries-long journey to the current day when social media and technology have amplified shame’s power exponentially. Thanks to this book, shame’s surprising character is finally seeing the light of day.”
—Joseph McKendrick, contributor to Harvard Business Review and Forbes on technological change, technological disruption, and AI transformation
“This is a powerful book that reveals the many subtle ways shame affects our lives and relationships, often to our detriment, and it offers a window into how to recognize shame and overcome its effects. It is written for lay readers as well as professionals, so its concepts and solutions are readily applicable to everyday life. If you struggle with relationships or your life in general, please read this book!”
—Debra G., psychotherapy client, Alcoholics Anonymous, Recovery Dharma
“Dr. Pilla provides a helpful and hopeful, specific and straightforward approach to the generally ignored (and powerful) subject of shame. I personally felt a sense of relief just reading one example after another of clients gaining self-awareness and confidence, while reducing their anxiety, depression, substance abuse, relationship difficulties, divorce shame, abuse shame, work shame, and more—with tools to make the world a better place for all of us. This is a great read!”
—Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., author of Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them—How to Stop Them, co-founder of High Conflict Institute and High Conflict Personality (HCP) Theory.
“How Shame Runs the World is a highly original view of one of the most powerful of human emotions. Threaded through with real world examples, this book brings new light to one of the most feared and misunderstood areas of our psyche and shows us that shame can bring pain and suffering but also teach us more about ourselves if we allow it to. It’s also a terrific book to read.”
—Karen Woodall, Cambridge, U.K., psychotherapist, author, researcher in family relational trauma
“In this comprehensive, groundbreaking, and highly readable book, Dr. Judith Pilla presents a convincing argument for ditching our limited conception of shame as an unpleasant personal emotion that we must somehow hide or banish from our lives. She provides a clear account of how shame can become deeply embedded from childhood through watching and interacting with the adults on whom we depend. From this foundation, it makes perfect sense to recognize shame as a complex interpersonal and cultural phenomenon. Dr. Pilla develops this view as the basis for her straightforward tools that enable the reader to decode and solve problems related to personal shame, shame in relationships, and shame’s role in the larger world. With a wealth of relatable examples, this book is a powerful contribution to both professional and self-help literature on the subject.
—Edna Neal Collins, Ph.D., Department of Human Development & Family Studies, University of North Carolina, Greensboro.
“I’ve met with many rare and genetic disease patients and caregivers over the years. So many of the caregivers feel shame for having passed on the genetics that cause their loved ones to suffer from a disease, though of course it is undeserved. This book offers a healing antidote. It provides a way to extinguish hurtful shame and benefit from constructive shame, as well as to decode (“Sherlocking,” as it is called in the book) shame and thus get to the root of anxiety, depression and other mental health problems that have shame at their base. To paraphrase FDR, ‘The only thing we have to be ashamed of is shame itself.’”
—Wes Michael, president and founder, Rare Patient Voice, LLC
“Who knew that shame could be a force for good, providing that it’s what Judith Pilla calls “prosocial shame” as opposed to “corrosive shame”? Such an essential insight is one among many that make How Shame Runs the World such a worthwhile read. As a historian, I found Pilla’s historical references intriguing, enlightening, and, in some instances, humorous. From China’s Eastern Han Dynasty to King Louis XIV to the Salem Witch Trials to Hawthorne’s Scarlet Letter to Les Femmes Tondues of the Second World War to the heinous Senator Joseph McCarthy era, Pilla explains the ubiquity of shame through time and carries the subject forward to include our present social climate. In reading this thoroughly accessible book, you’ll relate to its teachings, admire the author’s cogent presentation, and learn from its useful, real-world examples.”
—Page Talbott, Ph.D., director of Museum Outreach, Drexel University, editor of Ben Franklin, In Search of a Better World, and author of The Philadelphia Ten: A Women’s Artist Group 1917-1945

Judith M. Pilla, PhD, is a psychotherapist in private practice with over two decades of experience successfully treating individuals, couples, families, and groups. For the past ten years, she has focused her study, research, and clinical practice on understanding the problems engendered by shame. She contributes as an international presenter and workshop leader on the subject for professional clinicians and the public in countries as diverse as Sweden, Canada, Israel, England, and across the United States.

Her expertise as a clinical nurse specialist in psychiatry, a clinical social worker, and director of qualitative research for a global healthcare company, grounds her commitment to scientific research, evidence-based knowledge, and the use of clinically proven methods in her practice. She is the winner of the Joan Sall Rivitz fellowship award for her doctoral research at Bryn Mawr College and is a charter member of Sigma Theta Tau International Honor Society of Nursing at Thomas Jefferson University.

She and her husband live outside Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. In addition to her clinical practice and her writing, she devotes time to being the proud mother of two adult children with their wonderful families.

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