Relationsick

“In Relationsick, Drs. Lissa Rankin and Jeffrey Rediger name a gnawing truth many of us would prefer to look away from, calling out how many of us are living inside immature oppressive relationships and systems that our bodies experience as unsafe, even when our brains call it love … The wisdom they share encourages us and gives us tools to build relationships rooted in consent, dignity, and embodied truth. This book is a call to end the quiet violence of self-betrayal and to create real connection that doesn’t require it—as medicine for the body, mind, and soul.”
—Resmaa Menakem, MSW, LICSW, SEP, New York Times bestselling author of My Grandmother’s Hands and Monsters in Love

“This is a must-read book about relationships that can go awry, as many unfortunately do. These red flags are a guide to getting out of—or healing—toxic relationships before they make you sick.”
—John Gottman, cofounder of The Gottman Institute and New York Times bestselling coauthor of Fight Right

“Can your intimate relationship make you physically sick? In this book, two accomplished physicians and writers say it’s complicated. It may not be your relationship per se, but the parts of you that overly caretake and don’t let you take care of yourself. They back this up with compelling research, theoretical frameworks, and case examples, and offer a variety of practical options for reclaiming yourself and, in the process, your health.”
—Richard C. Schwartz, PhD, founder of Internal Family Systems and author of No Bad Parts

“Relationsick names a hidden epidemic with the precision it deserves: the way chronic overgiving, fawning, and relational inequality do not merely bruise the psyche, but alter physiology. This is what so many women and sensitive, caregiving humans have lived in their bodies for years without language for it. Lissa Rankin and Jeffrey Rediger have written a brave, wise, and urgently needed book about what happens when love asks you to disappear, and what healing requires if you are to return to yourself without hardening your heart.”
—Sara Szal, MD, New York Times bestselling author of Women, Food, and Hormones

“The authors have integrated many valuable elements from a variety of traditions that offer profound understanding and heartfulness, as well as many practical tools for addressing the complexities of relationships with self, others, and the world. They particularly highlight the role of developmental trauma in the development of illness and relational difficulties. This book is very useful for both clinicians and laypeople.”
—Laurence Heller, PhD, founder of NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM), author of Healing Developmental Trauma and Healing Shame and Guilt

“As a cult recovery specialist, I’ve witnessed countless cult survivors experience relationsickness; but we didn’t know what to call it … Drawing on both their personal experiences with relational trauma and their knowledge as trauma-informed experts, Drs. Rankin and Rediger have developed an informed and compassionate guide to unpacking toxic relationship patterns, finding your boundaries, and creating new pathways to physical, mental, and emotional wellness. This book is a groundbreaking and much-needed contribution to the recovery space.”
—Janja Lalich, PhD, founder of the Lalich Center on Cults and Coercion and author of Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships

“As a clinician and teacher grounded in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy applied to health and illness, I deeply appreciate how Lissa Rankin and Jeffrey Rediger bring attention to the relational environments that shape both our inner worlds and our physical health. This book thoughtfully highlights how protective adaptations to harmful relationships can become embodied over time—and how change in emotional experiences and relational patterns with use of IFS can open the door to meaningful physiological change. It is a compassionate and clinically relevant book.”
—Nancy Sowell, LICSW, IFS Institute senior trainer, Harvard Medical School teaching associate, and author of IFS Health Therapy

“The authors do a masterful job of weaving together multiple different strands of research and clinical findings about the relationships between trauma and health. The clinical examples that they use to illustrate the science make the book come alive, and will make it accessible to the general public. As we continue to learn about the lifelong effects on our biopsychosocial and spiritual well-being from childhood trauma, particularly the subtle forms of such trauma, a book like this one adds to the resources for clinicians and their clients.”
—Laura S. Brown, PnD, ABPP, retired psychologist, Courtesy Clinical professor at the University of Washington, and former president of the American Psychological Association Division of Trauma Psychology

“Just as the science is catching up to what physicians could see with our eyes, Relationsick describes the neurophysiological link between developmental trauma, perception of relational safety, and chronic disease. Reading this and learning how to get into a relationship with your hurt parts and repair them when possible is a powerful step towards healthy relationships.”
—Christy Gibson, MD, DProf, author of The Modern Trauma Toolkit, and cofounder of Safer Spaces Training

“Relationsick names something I have witnessed in thirty years of teaching intuitive intelligence: the body keeps an exact energetic accounting of every relationship where you abandoned yourself out of fear or to keep the peace. Give too much, too long, to people who take without reciprocating—and the body eventually sends the bill. Lissa Rankin and Jeffrey Rediger have written a brave, medically grounded book that finally connects the dots between chronic overgiving and chronic illness, showing with precision how the relentless drain of unbalanced relationships disrupts the nervous system, dismisses the spirit, and opens the door to disease. This is not self-help. This is a reckoning. And for anyone who has ever given until there was nothing left—it may save your life.”
—Sonia Choquette, New York Times bestselling author of Trust Your Vibes, Walking Home, and Waking Up in Paris

“With such kind clarity and an abundance of trauma-informed compassion for everyone involved, Drs. Rankin and Rediger give us the wake-up call everyone seems to know in our bones but hasn’t quite had the courage to say out loud—that our bodies might speak to us about the safety, quality, and reciprocity in our relationships before our minds ever let us admit the truth. But don’t despair! These docs don’t leave us hanging. They give us a six-step practical model to help us discern which relationships can be transformed to help us heal, and which ones need to get the old heave ho.”
—Nancy Slonim Aronie, author of Memoir as Medicine

“This book names something many people feel but struggle to articulate: the cost of always putting yourself last. Be forewarned: you might recognize yourself in these pages!”
—Chris Guillebeau, author of Time Anxiety and The Happiness of Pursuit

“What a practical book! If we’re praying for healing while also over-giving in unbalanced or oppressive relationships, we’ve got one foot on the gas and one on the brakes. With a clear road map that shows how to either rebalance our relationships—or leave—Drs. Rankin and Rediger help us deeply heal relational trauma. Often our bodies follow with much better outcomes as well.”
—Tosha Silver, author of Outrageous Openness and It’s Not Your Money: How to Live Fully from Divine Abundance

“For every person in a relationship of too much give and too little take, Relationsick offers a compelling reason to change: toxic relationship patterns aren’t good for your health. Filled with a wealth of information on the nervous system’s response to trauma and stress, attachment styles, couple dynamics, and Internal Family Systems, Relationsick urges readers to stop over-giving for the good of the body, mind, and soul. Relationsick isn’t simply an invitation for us to change, it’s also a guide toward change, giving readers a model for transforming a toxic relationship into a more balanced system of give and take.”
—Nicole Wordlaw, PhD, author of Waking Up Alone: Navigating the Narrow Passage Through Master-Slave Narratives

“The courageous authors of this book make it clear that relationships can cause or contribute to physical illness. This idea has been immensely unpopular among most physicians so it’s very gratifying to see two prominent doctors explain the evidence and mechanisms through which this can happen. Despite the difficulty and challenging nature of the subject, this book is so well written that it’s easy to read. A page turner.”
—Robert Falconer, IFS lead trainer and author of Many Minds, One Self

“In a world full of quick-fix promises, Relationsick shows us why trying to hack our way back to health doesn’t work. Instead, it offers us a road map to address perhaps the most critical part of our lives and well-being: our relationships. This is for anyone struggling with emotional or physical symptoms who is ready to take back their boundaries and their bodies in order to heal—at last.”
—Amy B. Scher, author of How to Heal Yourself When No One Else Can

“My life’s experience supports all Lissa Rankin and Jeffrey Rediger write about and share. Times have changed due to our experience, and we need to wake up to our power and opportunity and experience the benefits.”
—Bernie Siegel, MD, bestselling author of Love, Medicine and Miracles

“Lissa Rankin and Jeffrey Rediger understand that real healing starts where polite conversations end. They trace that cost into the body, where it stops being theoretical. The science is real, the stories land, and the way through is more possible than you think. Relationsick is honest, uncomfortable, and precise, with a hope that actually feels true. I needed this more than I expected. You might too.”
—Chris Grosso, author of Dead Set On Living and host of The Indie Spiritualist Podcast

“For a very long time, we’ve been in the dark about how to navigate toxic undiagnosed behaviors in relationships. Finally, there’s science-backed evidence to help us understand what happens to our bodies, so we can begin to heal. This book is not just for those who are ‘one down’ in relationships with unbalanced power dynamics, but also for those who are ‘one up,’ so they might emerge from denial about the bodily harm, emotional repercussions, and mental health struggles caused by oppressive behaviors. At first, the title made me uncomfortable … but we all know what it’s like to feel like relationsick.”
—Shiloh Sophia, founder of Intentional Creativity and author of Stardust Bones

“Research has long shown that healthy relationships are among the most powerful predictors of longevity, well-being, and happiness. But the reverse is also true: unhealthy relationships can take a profound toll on our bodies. In Relationsick, Lissa Rankin and Jeffrey Rediger shine an important light on how relational dynamics influence our health and offer compassionate guidance for recognizing unhealthy patterns and restoring balance. This book is a powerful reminder that caring for our relationships is one of the most important ways we care for our health.”
—Shasta Nelson, friendship expert, keynote speaker, and author of Frientimacy and The Business of Friendship

“I‘ve personally experienced the pain of narcissistic abuse and it literally made me sick. If you can relate, I highly recommend this hopeful book. Lissa provides you with powerful tools to protect yourself and optimize your health, and ways to leave the relationship … to save your life.”
—Barbara Stanny Huson, author of Overcoming Underearning

“Relationsick is timely, raw, and deeply honest—but more than that, it’s profoundly wise … This book challenges our assumptions about what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like and feel like, while offering grounded, compassionate guidance for creating something entirely new. Because the truth is life itself is relationship—and most of us were never given the tools to truly master it. Relationsick begins to change that. This isn’t just a book you read. It’s a book that works on you.”
—Debbie Rosas, cocreator and founder of Nia Technique

“Relationsick is a powerful and much-needed book that bridges the worlds of science and soul in a way few works dare to do. With both compassion and clinical insight, Drs. Rankin and Rediger reveal a truth many of us have felt but couldn’t name: that abandoning ourselves in relationships can quietly erode our health. This book is both informative and liberating, and invites us to reclaim our worth, our voice, and our right to receive as much as we give. A deeply healing read for anyone ready to come home to themselves.”
—Anita Moorjani, New York Times bestselling author of Dying to Be Me

“In Energy Medicine, we teach that the body’s energies follow the heart. Relationsick reveals the darker corollary: when the heart is trapped in a relationship that only withdraws, the body eventually sends the bill. Drs. Rankin and Rediger have written the prescription to balance the account.”
—Donna Eden and David Feinstein, PhD, coauthors of Energy Medicine and The Energies of Love

Lissa Rankin, MD

Lissa Rankin, MD, is an OB/GYN physician and author of 8 books, including the New York Times bestseller Mind Over Medicine. She is the founder of the Whole Health Medicine Institute and the health equity nonprofit Heal at Last. Lissa is an artist who researches radical remission, trauma-informed medicine, and the relational implications for medical conditions, including the effects of loneliness, narcissism, and coercive control on health.

She teaches online and in-person classes in the realm of relationships, IFS, and health, as well as creative writing for therapeutic purposes. She has co-taught many classes with IFS founder Dick Schwartz and is an educator of Internal Family Systems (IFS), with a specialty in IFS and medical conditions. Lissa also mentors doctors, therapists, and entrepreneurs to support their visionary work. Her TEDx talks have been viewed over 6 million times, and she has starred in two National Public Television specials.

Lissa lives in West Sonoma County with her partner, now that her daughter has gone off to New York for art school. She thrives on daily hikes in nature, making art, dancing, singing, writing, gardening, upcycling clothing, DJing music whenever she can, and healthy gourmet cooking.

Jeffrey Rediger MD, MDiv

Jeffrey Rediger MD, MDiv, is an author, a licensed physician and psychiatrist, and on the faculty of Harvard Medical School. He was the medical director of McLean SouthEast and Community Affairs at McLean Hospital in Boston for 22 years, and concurrently for many years also the chief of behavioral medicine at Good Samaritan Medical Center.

In addition to his medical and psychiatric training, he has a Master’s of Divinity in theology and philosophy of science from Princeton Theological Seminary. His investigations into remarkable recoveries from incurable or fatal illnesses have been featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show, The Show, and Anderson Cooper 360, among others. He has been nominated for the National Bravewell Leadership Award and has received many awards for leadership and patient care. His bestselling book, Cured: Strengthen Your Immune System and Heal Your Life, has been published in 22 languages so far.

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